These cartoons say it all!
Enjoy and share.
For all who are experiencing the less than desirable effects of many winter storms and many snowfalls – Enjoy this humourous tale from your friends at Rainsoft Ottawa.
DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELER
December 8 – 6:00 PM It started snowing. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktail drinks and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. We love snow!
December 9 We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a lovelier place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I’ve ever had!
December 10 Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a little boy again. I cleared both our driveway and the sidewalks.
December 11 This afternoon the snowplough came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!
December 12 The sun has melted all our lovely snow… Such a disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry – we’ll definitely have a White Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we’ll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I’ll never want to see snow again. I don’t think that’s possible. However, Bob is such a nice man, I’m glad he’s our neighbor.
December 13 Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The temperature dropped to -20F. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life!
December 14 The snowplough came back this afternoon and
buried everything again.. I didn’t realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I’ll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn’t huff and puff so.
December 15 20 inches forecast for today. I sold my van and bought a 4×4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife’s car and 2 extra shovels. We stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that’s extravagant. We aren’t in Alaska, after all.
December 16 Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17 Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
December 18 Today the electricity was off for 4 hours. We had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her.
December 19 Guess I should’ve bought a wood stove, but won’t admit it to her. Gee I hate it when she’s right. I can’t believe I’m freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20 Yippee the electricity’s back on, but we had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all day. The damn snowplough came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they’re too busy playing hockey. I think they’re lying.
December 21 Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they’re out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they’re lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he’s lying.
December 22 Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white stuff fell today, and it’s so cold, it probably won’t melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to go to the loo. By the time I got undressed and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plough on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he’s too busy. I think the asshole is lying.
December 23 Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to zero. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!! Why didn’t she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did, but I think she’s lying.
December 24 6 inches fell, but the snow was packed so hard by the snowplough, I broke my shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch who drives that snowplough, I’ll drag him through the snow by his hair and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I’ve just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplough.
December 25 – Christmas Day Merry Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop tonight – Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snowplough driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she’s a real idiot. If I have to watch “It’s A Wonderful Life” one more time, I’m going to stuff her into the microwave.
December 26 Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She’s really getting on my nerves.
December 27 Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,750 to replace 4 of my pipes.
December 28 Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The BITCH is driving me crazy!!!
December 29 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That’s the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
December 30 Roof caved in. I beat up the snowplough driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches predicted.
December 31 I set fire to what’s left of the house. No more shoveling.
I just love those little white pills they keep giving me.
Why am I tied to the bed???
Some chuckles for you that I received in a recent e-mail about just how peculiar our English language can be ~
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila…… Floor.
How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
to J.L. who e-mailed me the jokes without the animated graphics – thanks!
SPREAD THE STUPIDITY
Only in This Stupid World
…do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
…Why is it that Doctors call what they do…’practice’?
…Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
…Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
…If con is the opposite of Pro,…
is Congress the opposite of progress?
And…of course share this with your friends
“LAUGHTER IS AN INSTANT VACATION” MOVIE
FROM SIMPLE TRUTHS.COM
HUMOUROUS QUOTES ON LIFE
Did you know that recent studies say that we need at least 12 laughs per day to stay healthy? We at Rainsoft Ottawa want to do our part in boosting your health factor with this presentation – lots of Ha!Ha!Has! in store for you. Have fun with the ‘tickles to you funny bone’ and enjoy your armchair ‘stress free’ vacation with quotes in the video from famous celebrities.
The following lists just a few of the famous people quoted in the book: Joey Bishop, Zaa Zaa Gabor, Roseanne Barr, Erma Bombeck, Phyllis Diller, W. C. Fields, Cary Grant, Jerome K. Jerome, Rita Rudner, Ben Franklin, Jackie Mason, Bob Thaves, Ashleigh Brilliant, Robert Orben, Tommy Cooper, Bill Cosby, Henny Youngman, Cathy Guisewite
CLICK BELOW for link to video ~
Comments from simpletruths.com site about the book, ‘Laughter is an Instant Vacation’ ~ “They say laughter is the best medicine. In fact, studies show that we need a minimum of 12 laughs a day…just to stay healthy. ‘Laughter is an Instant Vacation’ can deliver 250 of them. Paired with funny photos, these quotes are guaranteed to give you an attitude boost or provide a laugh when you need it most. So, put the fun back in your life with ‘Laughter is an Instant Vacation’…
Simple Truths provides customers with inspirational and motivational gift books and movies. Our books and movies are comprised of short inspirational stories and motivational quotes that are certain to make a positive lasting impression. Simple Truths gift books and movies are great for friends & family, co-workers, teachers, students, corporations and businesses.”