Random thoughts as we age ~ Hilarious!

1-AGING FUNNY-001

Random thoughts as we age:

BAD MEMORYThe biggest lie I tell myself is …”I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”

Image result for shrink clothesWouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes and come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller!

PROCRASTINATELast year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet!

TRIPI don’t trip over things, I do random gravity checks!

ANGERI don’t need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off!

OLD AGE CROPOld age is coming at a really bad time!

BARSLord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the friends to post my bail when I finally snap!

GREY HAIRI don’t have gray hair. I have “wisdom highlights”………. I’m just very wise.

SHOOTTeach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper!

TOUCH TOESIf God wanted me to touch my toes, he would’ve put them on my knees.

PLSThe kids text me “plz” which is shorter than please. I text back “no”…..which is shorter than “yes”.

RETIREI’m going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I’ll do that second week.

WE THE PEOPLEWhen did it change from “We the people” to “screw the people” ???

DUCT TAPEEven duct tape can’t fix stupid …….. but it can muffle the sound!

CROP PRESS ONEWhy do I have to press one for English when you’re just gonna transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway?

TALK TO SELFOf course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice!


Oops! Did I roll my eyes out loud?

LUCKYAt my age “Getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.

SEND E-MAILAnd, of course… Have I sent this to you already or did you send this to me?

 

WATER DROPLET HAPPY ICON GIMPCROPPEDEnjoyed the chuckles?

If so – great, then share with others and have an enjoyable weekend.

 

 

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