Category Archives: Humour

T.G.I.F. Fun ~ Your Instant Vacation

Click here for more graphics and gifs!This is a repost of one of our popular blogs.  

It was first posted on July 13, 2012 

Click here for more graphics and gifs!LAUGHTER IS AN INSTANT VACATION” MOVIE

FROM SIMPLE TRUTHS.COM

HUMOUROUS QUOTES ON LIFE

Did you know that recent studies say that we need at least 12 laughs per day to stay healthy? We at Rainsoft Ottawa want to do our part in boosting your health factor with this presentation – lots of Ha!Ha!Has! in store for you. Have fun with the ‘tickles to you funny bone’ and enjoy your armchair ‘stress free’ vacation with quotes in the video from famous celebrities.

Click here for more graphics and gifs!The following lists just a few of the famous people quoted in the book: Joey Bishop, Zaa Zaa Gabor, Roseanne Barr, Erma Bombeck, Phyllis Diller, W. C. Fields, Cary Grant, Jerome K. Jerome, Rita Rudner, Ben Franklin, Jackie Mason, Bob Thaves, Ashleigh Brilliant, Robert Orben, Tommy Cooper, Bill Cosby, Henny Youngman, Cathy Guisewite

Click here for more graphics and gifs!Comments from simpletruths.com site about the book, ‘Laughter is an Instant Vacation’ ~ “They say laughter is the best medicine. In fact, studies show that we need a minimum of 12 laughs a day…just to stay healthy. ‘Laughter is an Instant Vacation’ can deliver 250 of them. Paired with funny photos, these quotes are guaranteed to give you an attitude boost or provide a laugh when you need it most. So, put the fun back in your life with ‘Laughter is an Instant Vacation’…

Click here for more graphics and gifs!Knowing I won’t be disappointed with the content, I plan to order this book to keep handy on the coffee table for our daily chuckles ~ thanks to Simple Truths.

Click here for more graphics and gifs!As usual, I encourage you to share this video with your family, friends and co-workers.

Have a great weekend.

Home Gadgets Part II

14. NARWHAL SKEWERS

NARWALS

Doing what narwhals do best, these skewers pay homage to one of the weirdest whales, which features a giant canine tooth sticking out of its head and a silly face. And now, these guys can hold your shish kebabs.

15. MOUSY CHEESE BOARD

CHEESE

This cheese board comes complete with a mouse-shaped knife that can be stored in a little hole underneath.

16. FLASK BANGLE

Flask bangle

Sometimes you know you’re going to need a quick drink, but it might be hard to hide a flask on your person when you’re wearing a summer dress. That’s where this hollow bangle bracelet steps in. It has a cork stopper and enough room for a decent swig. Just don’t be too obvious about sucking on your jewelry.

17. TREE MEASURING CUPS

Tree measuring cups

These stackable measuring cups form a lovely ceramic tree, each with its own branch handle. It includes a quarter, third, half, and full cup.

18. GEODE COASTERS

Geode coasters

These blue agate coasters are a nice departure from typical wood or ceramic. They add some sparkle to your home. They’re also fully lined on the back so they won’t scratch surfaces.

19. LABORATORY SHOT GLASSES

Laboratory shot glasses

Get your science on with these beaker-shaped shot glasses. They’re not just for drinking, since you can measure all sorts of things with them….but they’re mostly for drinking.

20. HEDGEHOG DRYER BALLS

Hedgehog dryer balls

Stop buying dryer sheets and snag some of these little guys instead. They tumble around in the dryer with your clothes, separating the fabric and leaving clothes soft and free of static. Plus, they cut down on the waste that dryer sheets produce.

21. SQUIRRELY STEEPER

Squirrely steeper

Fill this squirrel’s tail with loose leaf tea and set it on the rim of your cup. Perfect for when you just want a single cup of tea.

22. PANDA TEAPOT

Panda teapot

This is more than just a teapot; it’s a whole tea set for one. The head comes off, and when it’s inverted, it becomes a cup. There’s also a little infuser included for loose leaf tea, and a lid for the pot to keep the heat in when you’re enjoying a cup. Just look at it. This thing is adorable.

23. SHOWER SQUIDS

Shower squids

These dangly shower friends helpfully hold your bathing essentials. Their adjustable tentacles can hold bottles and bars of soap. They’re also great for storing bottles upside down to get the last few drops out.

24. TABLET-HOLDING CUTTING BOARD

Tablet-holding cutting board

If you’re using a new recipe you found online and you don’t want to take up counter space with your tablet (or put it in something gross), try this cutting board. It comes with a built-in tablet stand so you can check back on the instructions more easily. Just make sure you keep an eye on that knife.

25. MAGNETIC HOURGLASS

Magnetic hourglass

This hourglass functions like the ancient timer that it is, but with a twist. Instead of regular old sand, this one uses ferrous sand, which is black and magnetic. This causes it to form all kinds of spikes and stalactites as it counts down a minute.

Use the following link to shop for these items:

http://www.viralnova.com/awesomer-gadgets/?mb=vnnl&utm_source=Sailthru&utm_medium=email&utm_term=Viralnova%20Daily&utm_campaign=ViralNova%20Daily%202015-06-12

To find out more about these gadgets, click the text below the photos, which will take you to each respective shop. These make perfect gifts for anyone in your life who likes all things cute and unusual — and that can totally include you.

WATER DROPLET HAPPY ICON GIMPCROPPEDHave a great weekend everyone!

Friday Fun With Words – Ha! Ha!

Image result for paraprosdokiansParaprosdokiansImage result for paraprosdokians

Apparently Winston Churchill loved paraprosdokians (often mispelled as araprosdokians). These are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected, and frequently humorous. Here are 29 to get you giggling.

WATER DROPLET HAPPY ICON GIMPCROPPEDWell I agree – nothing like clever humour –
these certainly had me chuckling!

Image result for paraprosdokians

Image result for a will, I want to be in itWhere there’s a will, I want to be in it.

Image result for the last thing i want to do is hurt youThe last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it’s still on my list.

Image result for light travels faster than sound einsteinSince light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Image result for if i agreed with youIf I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.

Image result for we never really grow upWe never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

Image result for war does not determine who is rightWar does not determine who is right – only who is left.
Image result for knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit quoteKnowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Image result for They begin the evening news with “Good Evening”They begin the evening news with “Good Evening”, then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
Image result for to steal ideas from one person is plagiarism

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

Image result for Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stationsBuses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk is a work station.
Image result for Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
In filling out an application, where it says, ‘Emergency contact’, I put ‘doctor’.

Image result for bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

CONSCIENCEA clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

PARACHUTEYou do not need a parachute to skydive unless you want to do it again.

Image result for pot of gold clipartMoney can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

INDECISIVEI used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.

TARGETTo be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
Image result for paraprosdokiansDuring WWII Sir Winston Churchill address to congress began with: “It has often been said that Britain and America are two nations divided only by a common language”.

Image result for I am supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one now.

http://storyfix.com/useless-humor-fun-with-words

Random thoughts as we age ~ Hilarious!

1-AGING FUNNY-001

Random thoughts as we age:

BAD MEMORYThe biggest lie I tell myself is …”I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”

Image result for shrink clothesWouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes and come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller!

PROCRASTINATELast year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet!

TRIPI don’t trip over things, I do random gravity checks!

ANGERI don’t need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off!

OLD AGE CROPOld age is coming at a really bad time!

BARSLord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the friends to post my bail when I finally snap!

GREY HAIRI don’t have gray hair. I have “wisdom highlights”………. I’m just very wise.

SHOOTTeach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper!

TOUCH TOESIf God wanted me to touch my toes, he would’ve put them on my knees.

PLSThe kids text me “plz” which is shorter than please. I text back “no”…..which is shorter than “yes”.

RETIREI’m going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I’ll do that second week.

WE THE PEOPLEWhen did it change from “We the people” to “screw the people” ???

DUCT TAPEEven duct tape can’t fix stupid …….. but it can muffle the sound!

CROP PRESS ONEWhy do I have to press one for English when you’re just gonna transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway?

TALK TO SELFOf course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice!


Oops! Did I roll my eyes out loud?

LUCKYAt my age “Getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.

SEND E-MAILAnd, of course… Have I sent this to you already or did you send this to me?

 

WATER DROPLET HAPPY ICON GIMPCROPPEDEnjoyed the chuckles?

If so – great, then share with others and have an enjoyable weekend.

 

 

Canadian humour ~ You’ll Love Our Winters! Ha! ha! Part II

BOSTON SNOW2The following is the youtube video, “Boston Blizzard 2015 #Snowlapse ” that I included in the first part of this blog.  

WATER DROPLET1_FOR BLOG ICON

This winter, which is one for the records, many of our American friends to the south are also experiencing record breaking temperatures and snowfalls.  Hang in their folks ~ they tell us that there really is a spring season at the end of this long white tunnel!

LAUGHING2GIMPCROPPED

Here in Ottawa the snow keeps coming (although thank goodness we’re faring much better than our fellow Canadians down east) and the frigid temperatures are still with us. Time again to snuggle up with your blankie and a warm cup of cocoa to enjoy the rest of these cartoon jokes…

JOKE13  JOKE14 JOKE15 JOKE16 JOKE17 JOKE18 JOKE19 JOKE20 JOKE21 JOKE22 JOKE23 JOKE24

Whoops! Still looks like I lied about spring
being at the end of the white tunnel!

WATER DROPLET HAPPY ICON GIMPCROPPEDHave a great weekend and try to get out to enjoy a winter activity or two with family and friends… 

Hope you’ll visit with us again next week.

Funny Valentine’s Day a la Disney

1-DISNEY VALENTINES

TRANSPARENT HEARTGIMPHappy Valentine’s Day
from your friends
at Rainsoft Ottawa.

TRANSPARENT HEARTGIMP~ A funny and really cute trip
down Valentine’s memory lane
with some of your favorite Disney cartoon characters ~

WATER DROPLET HAPPY ICON GIMPCROPPEDI hope you enjoy the animation effects in this youtube video I found and the charming  accompaniment music, “I See the Light” by Mandy Moore, Zachary Levi.
Also, I searched soundcloud for the header music, “I See the Light” for your enjoyment.

TRANSPARENT HEARTGIMPHave fun watching the adorable Disney characters’ cavorting antics as they try to seal their true love.

“My Disney Valentine”, Uploaded on Feb 12, 2011 ~ https://www.youtube.com/embed/U6uELIxMaS4“><iframe width=”560″ height=”315” 

TRANSPARENT HEARTGIMPEnjoy and share with

family and friends!

RAINSOFT RAINSOFT WHOLE HOUSE_GIMP

TRANSPARENT HEARTGIMPEternally Pure Water Systems, Inc.
5450 Canotek Rd., Unit 66-67
Ottawa, ON K1J 9G5
613-742-0058

 

 

Friday Word Fun ~ Spoonerisms ~ ha! ha! ha!…

      PIGS AND WOLF2

In the 1930s and 1940s, F. Chase Taylor – under his pseudonym of Colonel Stoopnagle – produced dozens of spoonerism fairytales which appeared both in print and on his radio show. The original ones were printed in the Saturday Evening Post and he eventually published a collection of the stories in 1946 – a book which is now sadly out of print and much sought after.

Spoonerisms are words or phrases in which letters or syllables get swapped. This often happens accidentally in slips of the tongue (or tips of the slung as Spoonerisms are often affectionately called!)

The Reverend William Archibald Spooner was a highly-regarded scholar and warden of New College at England’s great Oxford University. Believe it or not, it was a mere slip of the tongue that started this dignified British clergyman on the road to eternal renown. 

WATER DROPLET HAPPY ICON GIMPCROPPED

When I was growing up one of my favorite spoonerisms was: “Mardon me, padam, but you’re occupewing the wrong pie. Let me sew you to another sheet.”  (Pardon me, madam, but you’re occupying the wrong pew.  Let me show you to another seat.)

I know it will be slow going for some of you making sense of this story, but the more you read it, the easier and funnier it becomes!!

 The Pea Little Thrigs, by Mark Fitzsimmons

LEAVING HOMEOnce there was a mig bomma sow who lived with her pee little thriglets on a big fog harm. They lived a line fife slopping with gorge and wallowing in the pud muddle and all, until one night when the sig pow took the pee little thrigs aside for a tearious salk. “Oink,” she wide, creeping. “Oink, oink oink!” (Or, to verbaphrase her porridge, “Boys, you header bed for the yorest fonder before harmer Fank bakes macon!”)

So a few dours before haybreak, the pee little thrigs set out to fake their mortune in the feep dorest.

HOUSES3Now the lirst fiddle pig’s name was Joe. Poe jig said, “I’m gonna build me a haw strouse,” and he began strickin’ up paw.

HOUSES2The second piddle lig’s name was Luke, and Puke lig said, “I’m gonna build me a hick stouse,” and he began stickin’ up pigs.

HOUSES1Now the lird piddle thig’s name was Dave. He was a mite barter than his smothers, earning him the name pigtickle prack. Pave dig said, “I’m gonna build me a hone and storter mouse,” and he began erecting clocks.

Now I won’t same to clay that streaving waw or sighing ticks is easy ’cause it tain’t rue, but it’s a sot limpler than stortaring moans, and by the time Pave dig had the fox filed for his pyreplace, the other poo tigs were bun dildin’ and tootin’ for ruffles. “Look at pigtickle prack,” the pool crigs laughed, “pettin’ like a swig over his stig bones.” But pigtickle prack had seen tolf wacks that day, and he wept kurking.

Eventually the hone stouse was done, and all bree throthers had dwellable livings. Pave dig never did tell the other poo tigs about the tolf wracks, so Poe jig was shighty mocked to wake up to the sounds of a walivatin’ soof.

“Piddle lig, piddle lig, ket me lum in!”

“Not by the chuzz on my finny fin fin!”

“Then I’ll larf and I’ll barf and I’ll hoe your blouse down!”

STRAW HOUSESo the wolf larfed and he barfed and he hew the blouse down, whereupon Poe jig run off to Puke lig’s house and broke his wother. That wungry holf was right behind. “Piddle ligs, piddle ligs, I wants two pat figs, I does!”

“Not by the muzz on my fuzzly fuzzle fuzz!” said Puke lig.

“Then I’ll larf and I’ll barf and I’ll hoe your blouse down!”

STICK HOUSESo the wolf larfed and he barfed and he hew the blouse down. Loe and Juke freely reeked and run off to the hock rouse and dolted the bore. The wungry holf got there quite rick, but not nasty fuff.

“Piddle ligs, piddle ligs, undolt the bore!”

“Not by the mollicles on my fandible!” said Pave dig (who never missed a chance to use a wig bird).

“Then I’ll larf and I’ll barf and I’ll hoe your blouse down!”

Pave dig just smiled and said, “Woe blay!”

BRICK HOUSE CROPPEDSo the wolf larfed and he barfed and he larfed and he barfed, till he was fue in the blace, with no effectable notice on the stock ructure. The wig bad bolf sat down to cogitate on this uneventful prediction, when he noticed the choking smimney.

WOLF ON ROOFNot bein’ a very wart smolf,
he chimed the climney and
dropped tail first into a boiling stot of poo.

FIREThat wolf earned his bass and just about everything else that day, since Pave dig clammed the slover on the poo stot, leaving the other poo tigs mealing in squirthful reverie. Pave dig turned to his overweight brothers and said, “Molf wheat is beaner than leef, and it would bepig you hooves to conduce your resumption of faturated sats.” The very next day they started a diet of vegetabically grown organelles, and they began electing crocks for two new hock roams for Poe jig and Puke lig.

This storal has two morys: First, of course, induce your retake of atty facets. Secondly, never ever dime clown chokin’ smimneys.

WATER DROPLET HAPPY ICON GIMPCROPPED

I yope hou fad hun thith wis and now it’s talmost ime to head out for the eekwend. (I hope you had fun with this and now it’s almost time to head out for the weekend.)  Sorry, but just couldn’t resist thrapping wis up without my attempt at spoonerisming! (Gee, did I just coin a new word here???)

 Have a great one and I hope you visit with us again next week.

Celebrity Names ~ Fun With Words ~ Ha! Ha!

People claim that puns are the lowest form of comedy. While this may be the majority opinion, puns sometimes catch you off guard and can actually be pretty hilarious.

Check out what people did with these celebrity names and what they turned them into by being pretty pun-tastic – posted to Viralnova, (via Imgur)  January 26, 2015. 

ARNOLD    ARNYOUNG

CHRISTOPHER WALKEN           CHRISTOPHER SITTEN

HANS SOLO     HAN ACCOMPANIED

JAMES SPADER     JAMES DIDN'T

Kanye west    Kanye east

MATT LEBLANC              MATT LENOIR

MICHAEL FASSBENDER      MICHAEL BASSFENDER

MORGAN FREEMAN       MORGAN PRISONER

NEIL YOUNG                       NEIL OLD

REESE WITHERSPOON   REESE WITHOUTHERSPOON

If these didn’t make you chuckle at least a little bit, check your pulse, because you might be dead. I don’t care if they are easy. These were pretty punnyfunny.

WATER DROPLET HAPPY ICON GIMPCROPPEDIf you enjoyed this ‘punnyfunny’ blog then share with your friends and have a great weekend.  Get out and enjoy all the winter events in your area – Winterludes / Winter Carnivals, etc. abound at this time of year.

 

Fun Friday ~ Is it spring yet where you live???

These cartoons say it all! 

Enjoy and share.

145963 600 First Day of Spring cartoons

145996 600 Spring cartoons

145997 600 Spring fashions cartoons

145658 600 First Robin cartoons

145574 600 THE ARRIVAL OF SPRING cartoons

145728 600 Spring Snowflakes cartoons

129345 600 Stuck in Winter cartoons

 

129324 600 Spring Snow cartoons

129247 600 Winter March Madness cartoons

128955 600 Spring cartoons

129003 600 Spring cartoons

128907 600 First day of spring cartoons

 

DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELLER ~ HILLARIOUS!!!

SNOWY DAYFor all who are experiencing the less than desirable effects of many winter storms and many snowfalls – Enjoy this humourous tale from your friends at Rainsoft Ottawa.

SNOW STORMWasn’t even winter yet and we had our first major snow storm!

DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELER


December 8 – 6:00 PM
It started snowing. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktail drinks and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. We love snow!

December 9 We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a lovelier place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I’ve ever had! 

December 10 Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a little boy again. I cleared both our driveway and the sidewalks.

December 11  This afternoon the snowplough came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!

December 12 The sun has melted all our lovely snow… Such a disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry – we’ll definitely have a White Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we’ll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I’ll never want to see snow again. I don’t think that’s possible. However, Bob is such a nice man, I’m glad he’s our neighbor.

December 13 Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The temperature dropped to -20F. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life!

December 14 The snowplough came back this afternoon and
buried everything again.. I didn’t realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I’ll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn’t huff and puff so.

December 15 20 inches forecast for today. I sold my van and bought a 4×4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife’s car and 2 extra shovels. We stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that’s extravagant. We aren’t in Alaska, after all.

December 16 Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17 Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.

December  18 Today the electricity was off for 4 hours. We had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her.

December  19 Guess I should’ve bought a wood stove, but won’t admit it to her. Gee I hate it when she’s right. I can’t believe I’m freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20 Yippee the electricity’s back on, but we had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all day. The damn snowplough came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they’re too busy playing hockey. I think they’re lying.

December  21 Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they’re out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they’re lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he’s lying.

December 22 Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white stuff fell today, and it’s so cold, it probably won’t melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to go to the loo. By the time I got undressed and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plough on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he’s too busy. I think the asshole is lying.

December 23 Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to zero. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!! Why didn’t she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did, but I think she’s lying.

December 24 6 inches fell, but the snow was packed so hard by the snowplough, I broke my shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch who drives that snowplough, I’ll drag him through the snow by his hair and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I’ve just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplough.

December 25 – Christmas Day Merry Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop tonight – Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snowplough driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she’s a real idiot. If I have to watch “It’s A Wonderful Life” one more time, I’m going to stuff her into the microwave.

December 26 Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She’s really getting on my nerves.

December 27 Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,750 to replace 4 of my pipes.

December 28 Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The BITCH is driving me crazy!!!

December 29 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That’s the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30 Roof caved in. I beat up the snowplough driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches predicted.

December 31 I set fire to what’s left of the house. No more shoveling.

FEELING HAPPYJanuary 8 Feel so good!

I just love those little white pills they keep giving me.

Why am I tied to the bed???