Category Archives: Humour

Canadian humour ~ You’ll Love Our Winters! Ha! ha! Part II

BOSTON SNOW2The following is the youtube video, “Boston Blizzard 2015 #Snowlapse ” that I included in the first part of this blog.  

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This winter, which is one for the records, many of our American friends to the south are also experiencing record breaking temperatures and snowfalls.  Hang in their folks ~ they tell us that there really is a spring season at the end of this long white tunnel!

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Here in Ottawa the snow keeps coming (although thank goodness we’re faring much better than our fellow Canadians down east) and the frigid temperatures are still with us. Time again to snuggle up with your blankie and a warm cup of cocoa to enjoy the rest of these cartoon jokes…

JOKE13  JOKE14 JOKE15 JOKE16 JOKE17 JOKE18 JOKE19 JOKE20 JOKE21 JOKE22 JOKE23 JOKE24

Whoops! Still looks like I lied about spring
being at the end of the white tunnel!

WATER DROPLET HAPPY ICON GIMPCROPPEDHave a great weekend and try to get out to enjoy a winter activity or two with family and friends… 

Hope you’ll visit with us again next week.

Funny Valentine’s Day a la Disney

1-DISNEY VALENTINES

TRANSPARENT HEARTGIMPHappy Valentine’s Day
from your friends
at Rainsoft Ottawa.

TRANSPARENT HEARTGIMP~ A funny and really cute trip
down Valentine’s memory lane
with some of your favorite Disney cartoon characters ~

WATER DROPLET HAPPY ICON GIMPCROPPEDI hope you enjoy the animation effects in this youtube video I found and the charming  accompaniment music, “I See the Light” by Mandy Moore, Zachary Levi.
Also, I searched soundcloud for the header music, “I See the Light” for your enjoyment.

TRANSPARENT HEARTGIMPHave fun watching the adorable Disney characters’ cavorting antics as they try to seal their true love.

“My Disney Valentine”, Uploaded on Feb 12, 2011 ~ https://www.youtube.com/embed/U6uELIxMaS4“><iframe width=”560″ height=”315″ 

TRANSPARENT HEARTGIMPEnjoy and share with

family and friends!

RAINSOFT RAINSOFT WHOLE HOUSE_GIMP

TRANSPARENT HEARTGIMPEternally Pure Water Systems, Inc.
5450 Canotek Rd., Unit 66-67
Ottawa, ON K1J 9G5
613-742-0058

 

 

Friday Word Fun ~ Spoonerisms ~ ha! ha! ha!…

      PIGS AND WOLF2

In the 1930s and 1940s, F. Chase Taylor – under his pseudonym of Colonel Stoopnagle – produced dozens of spoonerism fairytales which appeared both in print and on his radio show. The original ones were printed in the Saturday Evening Post and he eventually published a collection of the stories in 1946 – a book which is now sadly out of print and much sought after.

Spoonerisms are words or phrases in which letters or syllables get swapped. This often happens accidentally in slips of the tongue (or tips of the slung as Spoonerisms are often affectionately called!)

The Reverend William Archibald Spooner was a highly-regarded scholar and warden of New College at England’s great Oxford University. Believe it or not, it was a mere slip of the tongue that started this dignified British clergyman on the road to eternal renown. 

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When I was growing up one of my favorite spoonerisms was: “Mardon me, padam, but you’re occupewing the wrong pie. Let me sew you to another sheet.”  (Pardon me, madam, but you’re occupying the wrong pew.  Let me show you to another seat.)

I know it will be slow going for some of you making sense of this story, but the more you read it, the easier and funnier it becomes!!

 The Pea Little Thrigs, by Mark Fitzsimmons

LEAVING HOMEOnce there was a mig bomma sow who lived with her pee little thriglets on a big fog harm. They lived a line fife slopping with gorge and wallowing in the pud muddle and all, until one night when the sig pow took the pee little thrigs aside for a tearious salk. “Oink,” she wide, creeping. “Oink, oink oink!” (Or, to verbaphrase her porridge, “Boys, you header bed for the yorest fonder before harmer Fank bakes macon!”)

So a few dours before haybreak, the pee little thrigs set out to fake their mortune in the feep dorest.

HOUSES3Now the lirst fiddle pig’s name was Joe. Poe jig said, “I’m gonna build me a haw strouse,” and he began strickin’ up paw.

HOUSES2The second piddle lig’s name was Luke, and Puke lig said, “I’m gonna build me a hick stouse,” and he began stickin’ up pigs.

HOUSES1Now the lird piddle thig’s name was Dave. He was a mite barter than his smothers, earning him the name pigtickle prack. Pave dig said, “I’m gonna build me a hone and storter mouse,” and he began erecting clocks.

Now I won’t same to clay that streaving waw or sighing ticks is easy ’cause it tain’t rue, but it’s a sot limpler than stortaring moans, and by the time Pave dig had the fox filed for his pyreplace, the other poo tigs were bun dildin’ and tootin’ for ruffles. “Look at pigtickle prack,” the pool crigs laughed, “pettin’ like a swig over his stig bones.” But pigtickle prack had seen tolf wacks that day, and he wept kurking.

Eventually the hone stouse was done, and all bree throthers had dwellable livings. Pave dig never did tell the other poo tigs about the tolf wracks, so Poe jig was shighty mocked to wake up to the sounds of a walivatin’ soof.

“Piddle lig, piddle lig, ket me lum in!”

“Not by the chuzz on my finny fin fin!”

“Then I’ll larf and I’ll barf and I’ll hoe your blouse down!”

STRAW HOUSESo the wolf larfed and he barfed and he hew the blouse down, whereupon Poe jig run off to Puke lig’s house and broke his wother. That wungry holf was right behind. “Piddle ligs, piddle ligs, I wants two pat figs, I does!”

“Not by the muzz on my fuzzly fuzzle fuzz!” said Puke lig.

“Then I’ll larf and I’ll barf and I’ll hoe your blouse down!”

STICK HOUSESo the wolf larfed and he barfed and he hew the blouse down. Loe and Juke freely reeked and run off to the hock rouse and dolted the bore. The wungry holf got there quite rick, but not nasty fuff.

“Piddle ligs, piddle ligs, undolt the bore!”

“Not by the mollicles on my fandible!” said Pave dig (who never missed a chance to use a wig bird).

“Then I’ll larf and I’ll barf and I’ll hoe your blouse down!”

Pave dig just smiled and said, “Woe blay!”

BRICK HOUSE CROPPEDSo the wolf larfed and he barfed and he larfed and he barfed, till he was fue in the blace, with no effectable notice on the stock ructure. The wig bad bolf sat down to cogitate on this uneventful prediction, when he noticed the choking smimney.

WOLF ON ROOFNot bein’ a very wart smolf,
he chimed the climney and
dropped tail first into a boiling stot of poo.

FIREThat wolf earned his bass and just about everything else that day, since Pave dig clammed the slover on the poo stot, leaving the other poo tigs mealing in squirthful reverie. Pave dig turned to his overweight brothers and said, “Molf wheat is beaner than leef, and it would bepig you hooves to conduce your resumption of faturated sats.” The very next day they started a diet of vegetabically grown organelles, and they began electing crocks for two new hock roams for Poe jig and Puke lig.

This storal has two morys: First, of course, induce your retake of atty facets. Secondly, never ever dime clown chokin’ smimneys.

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I yope hou fad hun thith wis and now it’s talmost ime to head out for the eekwend. (I hope you had fun with this and now it’s almost time to head out for the weekend.)  Sorry, but just couldn’t resist thrapping wis up without my attempt at spoonerisming! (Gee, did I just coin a new word here???)

 Have a great one and I hope you visit with us again next week.

Celebrity Names ~ Fun With Words ~ Ha! Ha!

People claim that puns are the lowest form of comedy. While this may be the majority opinion, puns sometimes catch you off guard and can actually be pretty hilarious.

Check out what people did with these celebrity names and what they turned them into by being pretty pun-tastic - posted to Viralnova, (via Imgur)  January 26, 2015. 

ARNOLD    ARNYOUNG

CHRISTOPHER WALKEN           CHRISTOPHER SITTEN

HANS SOLO     HAN ACCOMPANIED

JAMES SPADER     JAMES DIDN'T

Kanye west    Kanye east

MATT LEBLANC              MATT LENOIR

MICHAEL FASSBENDER      MICHAEL BASSFENDER

MORGAN FREEMAN       MORGAN PRISONER

NEIL YOUNG                       NEIL OLD

REESE WITHERSPOON   REESE WITHOUTHERSPOON

If these didn’t make you chuckle at least a little bit, check your pulse, because you might be dead. I don’t care if they are easy. These were pretty punnyfunny.

WATER DROPLET HAPPY ICON GIMPCROPPEDIf you enjoyed this ‘punnyfunny’ blog then share with your friends and have a great weekend.  Get out and enjoy all the winter events in your area – Winterludes / Winter Carnivals, etc. abound at this time of year.

 

12 Days of Christmas ~ Hilarious!!!

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CHRISTMAS COUNTDOWN
by Frank Kelly

This is a hilarious take on the “12 Days of Christmas” – very 1980’s Ireland; harmless, subtle humour ~ doesn’t follow the original lyrics exactly. (Youtube video of Frank’s rendition at end)

ONEDay One
Dear Nuala,
Thank you very much for your lovely present of a partridge in a pear-tree. We’re getting the hang of feeding the partridge now, although it was difficult at first to win its confidence. It bit the mother rather badly on the hand but they’re good friends now and we’re keeping the pear-tree indoors in a bucket. Thank you again. Yours affectionately,
Gobnait O’Lúnasa

TWODay Two
Dear Nuala,
I cannot tell you how surprised we were to hear from you so soon again and to receive your lovely present of two turtle doves. You really are too kind. At first the partridge was very jealous and suspicious of the doves and they had a terrible row the night the doves arrived. We had to send for the vet but the birds are okay again and the stitches are due to come out in a week or two. The vet’s bill was £8 but the mother is over her annoyance now and the doves and the partridge are watching the telly from the pear-tree as I write. Yours ever,
Gobnait


THREEDay Three

Dear Nuala,
We must be foremost in your thoughts. I had only posted my letter when the three French hens arrived. There was another sort-out between the hens and the doves, who sided with the partridge, and the vet had to be sent for again. The mother was raging because the bill was £16 this time but she has almost cooled down. However, the fact that the birds’ droppings keep falling down on her hair whilen she’s watching the telly, doesn’t help matters. Thanking you for your kindness. I remain,
Your Gobnait

FOURDay Four
Dear Nuala,
You mustn’t have received my last letter when you were sending us the four calling birds. There was pandemonium in the pear-tree again last night and the vet’s bill was £32. The mother is on sedation as I write. I know you meant no harm and remain your close friend. Gobnauit

FIVEDay Five
Nuala,
Your generosity knows no bounds. Five gold rings ! When the parcel arrived I was scared stiff that it might be more birds, because the smell in the living-room is atrocious. However, I don’t want to seem ungrateful for the beautiful rings. Your affectionate friend, Gobnait

SIXDay Six
Nuala,
What are you trying to do to us ? It isn’t that we don’t appreciate your generosity but the six geese have not alone nearly murdered the calling birds but they laid their eggs on top of the vet’s head from the pear-tree and his bill was £68 in cash ! My mother is munching 60 grains of Valium a day and talking to herself in a most alarming way. You must keep your feelings for me in check. Gobnait

SEVENDay Seven
Nuala,
We are not amused by your little joke. Seven swans-a-swimming is a most romantic idea but not in the bath of a private house. We cannot use the bathroom now because they’ve gone completely savage and rush the door every time we try to enter. If things go on this way, the mother and I will smell as bad as the living-room carpet. Please lay off. It is not fair. Gobnait

EIGHTDay Eight
Nuala,
Who the hell do you think gave you the right to send eight, hefty maids-a-milking here, to eat us out of house and home ? Their cattle are all over the front lawn and have trampled the hell out of the mother’s rose-beds. The swans invaded the living-room in a sneak attack and the ensuing battle between them and the calling birds, turtle doves, French hens and partridge make the Battle of the Somme seem like Wanderly Wagon. The mother is on a bottle of whiskey a day, as well as the sixty grains of Valium. I’m very annoyed with you. Gobnait

FRANKS DRUMMERDay Nine
Listen you louser !
There’s enough pandemonium in this place night and day without nine drummers drumming, while the eight flaming maids-a-milking are beating my poor, old alcoholic mother out of her own kitchen and gobbling everything in sight. I’m warning you, you’re making an enemy of me. Gobnait

PIPERS TO CROP6Day Ten
Listen manure-face,
I hope you’ll be haunted by the strains of ten pipers piping which you sent to torment us last night. They were aided in their evil work by those maniac drummers and it wasn’t a pleasant sight to look out the window and see eight hefty maids-a-milking pogo-ing around with the ensuing punk-rock uproar. My mother has just finished her third bottle of whiskey, on top of a hundred and twenty four grains of Valium. You’ll get yours ! Gobnait O’Lúnasa

TEN LORDS LEAPING

Day Eleven
You have scandalized my mother, you dirty Jezebel,
It was bad enough to have eight maids-a-milking dancing to punk music on the front lawn but they’ve now been joined by your friends ~ the eleven Lords-a-leaping and the antics of the whole lot of them would leave the most decadent days of the Roman Empire looking like “Outlook”. I’ll get you yet, you ould bag !

TWELVEDay Twelve
Listen slurry head,
You have ruined our lives. The twelve pipers piping turned up last night and beat the living daylights out of the eight maids-a-milking, ‘cos they found them carrying on with the eleven Lords-a-leaping. Meanwhile, the swans got out of the living-room, where they’d been hiding since the big battle, and savaged hell out of the Lords and all the Maids. There were eight ambulances here last night, and the local Civil Defence as well. The mother is in a home for the bewildered and I’m sitting here, up to my neck in birds’ droppings, empty whiskey and Valium bottles, birds’ blood and feathers, while the flaming cows eat the leaves off the pear-tree. I’m a broken man. Gobnait O’Lúnasa

Some of you will remember Frank Kelly, playing Father Jack Hackett in “Father Ted”.  

TREE

~ Share this fun with family and friends
and have a great weekend everyone. ~
~ Only SIX days left until CHRISTMAS! ~

Fun Friday ~ Is it spring yet where you live???

These cartoons say it all! 

Enjoy and share.

145963 600 First Day of Spring cartoons

145996 600 Spring cartoons

145997 600 Spring fashions cartoons

145658 600 First Robin cartoons

145574 600 THE ARRIVAL OF SPRING cartoons

145728 600 Spring Snowflakes cartoons

129345 600 Stuck in Winter cartoons

 

129324 600 Spring Snow cartoons

129247 600 Winter March Madness cartoons

128955 600 Spring cartoons

129003 600 Spring cartoons

128907 600 First day of spring cartoons

 

DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELLER ~ HILLARIOUS!!!

SNOWY DAYFor all who are experiencing the less than desirable effects of many winter storms and many snowfalls – Enjoy this humourous tale from your friends at Rainsoft Ottawa.

SNOW STORMWasn’t even winter yet and we had our first major snow storm!

DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELER


December 8 – 6:00 PM
It started snowing. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktail drinks and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. We love snow!

December 9 We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a lovelier place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I’ve ever had! 

December 10 Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a little boy again. I cleared both our driveway and the sidewalks.

December 11  This afternoon the snowplough came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!

December 12 The sun has melted all our lovely snow… Such a disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry – we’ll definitely have a White Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we’ll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I’ll never want to see snow again. I don’t think that’s possible. However, Bob is such a nice man, I’m glad he’s our neighbor.

December 13 Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The temperature dropped to -20F. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life!

December 14 The snowplough came back this afternoon and
buried everything again.. I didn’t realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I’ll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn’t huff and puff so.

December 15 20 inches forecast for today. I sold my van and bought a 4×4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife’s car and 2 extra shovels. We stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that’s extravagant. We aren’t in Alaska, after all.

December 16 Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17 Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.

December  18 Today the electricity was off for 4 hours. We had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her.

December  19 Guess I should’ve bought a wood stove, but won’t admit it to her. Gee I hate it when she’s right. I can’t believe I’m freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20 Yippee the electricity’s back on, but we had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all day. The damn snowplough came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they’re too busy playing hockey. I think they’re lying.

December  21 Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they’re out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they’re lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he’s lying.

December 22 Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white stuff fell today, and it’s so cold, it probably won’t melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to go to the loo. By the time I got undressed and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plough on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he’s too busy. I think the asshole is lying.

December 23 Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to zero. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!! Why didn’t she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did, but I think she’s lying.

December 24 6 inches fell, but the snow was packed so hard by the snowplough, I broke my shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch who drives that snowplough, I’ll drag him through the snow by his hair and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I’ve just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplough.

December 25 – Christmas Day Merry Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop tonight – Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snowplough driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she’s a real idiot. If I have to watch “It’s A Wonderful Life” one more time, I’m going to stuff her into the microwave.

December 26 Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She’s really getting on my nerves.

December 27 Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,750 to replace 4 of my pipes.

December 28 Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The BITCH is driving me crazy!!!

December 29 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That’s the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30 Roof caved in. I beat up the snowplough driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches predicted.

December 31 I set fire to what’s left of the house. No more shoveling.

FEELING HAPPYJanuary 8 Feel so good!

I just love those little white pills they keep giving me.

Why am I tied to the bed???