Category Archives: Laughter

Random thoughts as we age ~ Hilarious!

1-AGING FUNNY-001

Random thoughts as we age:

BAD MEMORYThe biggest lie I tell myself is …”I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”

Image result for shrink clothesWouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes and come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller!

PROCRASTINATELast year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet!

TRIPI don’t trip over things, I do random gravity checks!

ANGERI don’t need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off!

OLD AGE CROPOld age is coming at a really bad time!

BARSLord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the friends to post my bail when I finally snap!

GREY HAIRI don’t have gray hair. I have “wisdom highlights”………. I’m just very wise.

SHOOTTeach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper!

TOUCH TOESIf God wanted me to touch my toes, he would’ve put them on my knees.

PLSThe kids text me “plz” which is shorter than please. I text back “no”…..which is shorter than “yes”.

RETIREI’m going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I’ll do that second week.

WE THE PEOPLEWhen did it change from “We the people” to “screw the people” ???

DUCT TAPEEven duct tape can’t fix stupid …….. but it can muffle the sound!

CROP PRESS ONEWhy do I have to press one for English when you’re just gonna transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway?

TALK TO SELFOf course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice!


Oops! Did I roll my eyes out loud?

LUCKYAt my age “Getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.

SEND E-MAILAnd, of course… Have I sent this to you already or did you send this to me?

 

WATER DROPLET HAPPY ICON GIMPCROPPEDEnjoyed the chuckles?

If so – great, then share with others and have an enjoyable weekend.

 

 

Canadian humour ~ You’ll Love Our Winters! Ha! ha! Part II

BOSTON SNOW2The following is the youtube video, “Boston Blizzard 2015 #Snowlapse ” that I included in the first part of this blog.  

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This winter, which is one for the records, many of our American friends to the south are also experiencing record breaking temperatures and snowfalls.  Hang in their folks ~ they tell us that there really is a spring season at the end of this long white tunnel!

LAUGHING2GIMPCROPPED

Here in Ottawa the snow keeps coming (although thank goodness we’re faring much better than our fellow Canadians down east) and the frigid temperatures are still with us. Time again to snuggle up with your blankie and a warm cup of cocoa to enjoy the rest of these cartoon jokes…

JOKE13  JOKE14 JOKE15 JOKE16 JOKE17 JOKE18 JOKE19 JOKE20 JOKE21 JOKE22 JOKE23 JOKE24

Whoops! Still looks like I lied about spring
being at the end of the white tunnel!

WATER DROPLET HAPPY ICON GIMPCROPPEDHave a great weekend and try to get out to enjoy a winter activity or two with family and friends… 

Hope you’ll visit with us again next week.

Canadian humour ~ You’ll Love Our Winters! Ha! ha!

  I’ve got a few dozen jokes about Canada in the wintertime
and will divide them into 2 blogs.

BOSTON SNOW2

The following youtube video, “Boston Blizzard 2015 #Snowlapse – Watch the snow pile up! (40-hour time lapse in HD)” was published on Jan 28, 2015. It is a time lapse of the 2015 Boston blizzard from 3 pm on January 26 to 8 am on January 28, 2015.

The video was created from 5,000 images, recorded at 30-second intervals on a GoPro. The snowlapse was recorded on a roof in Back Bay Boston. For reference, the tall building on the far left is the Hancock Tower. The building in the distance in the middle is the Westin Copley Plaza and the illuminated “The” is from the roof of The Lenox Hotel.

WATER DROPLET1_FOR BLOG ICONThis winter, which is one for the records, many of our American friends to the south are also experiencing record breaking temperatures and snowfalls.  Hang in their folks ~ they tell us that there really is a spring season at the end of this long white tunnel!

LAUGHING2GIMPCROPPED

You’ve probably run out of places to pile the snow as you try to dig out, so just forget about it for now and  snuggle up with a blankie and a warm cup of cocoa to enjoy these cartoon jokes.

JOKE1 JOKE2 JOKE3 JOKE4 JOKE5 JOKE6 JOKE7 JOKE8   JOKE11 JOKE10JOKE12

Whoops! Looks like I lied about spring
being at the end of the white tunnel!

WATER DROPLET HAPPY ICON GIMPCROPPEDHave a great weekend and try to get out to enjoy a winter activity or two with family and friends… 

Hope you’ll visit with us again next week.

Funny Valentine’s Day a la Disney

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TRANSPARENT HEARTGIMPHappy Valentine’s Day
from your friends
at Rainsoft Ottawa.

TRANSPARENT HEARTGIMP~ A funny and really cute trip
down Valentine’s memory lane
with some of your favorite Disney cartoon characters ~

WATER DROPLET HAPPY ICON GIMPCROPPEDI hope you enjoy the animation effects in this youtube video I found and the charming  accompaniment music, “I See the Light” by Mandy Moore, Zachary Levi.
Also, I searched soundcloud for the header music, “I See the Light” for your enjoyment.

TRANSPARENT HEARTGIMPHave fun watching the adorable Disney characters’ cavorting antics as they try to seal their true love.

“My Disney Valentine”, Uploaded on Feb 12, 2011 ~ https://www.youtube.com/embed/U6uELIxMaS4“><iframe width=”560″ height=”315” 

TRANSPARENT HEARTGIMPEnjoy and share with

family and friends!

RAINSOFT RAINSOFT WHOLE HOUSE_GIMP

TRANSPARENT HEARTGIMPEternally Pure Water Systems, Inc.
5450 Canotek Rd., Unit 66-67
Ottawa, ON K1J 9G5
613-742-0058

 

 

12 Days of Christmas ~ Hilarious!!!

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CHRISTMAS COUNTDOWN
by Frank Kelly

This is a hilarious take on the “12 Days of Christmas” – very 1980’s Ireland; harmless, subtle humour ~ doesn’t follow the original lyrics exactly. (Youtube video of Frank’s rendition at end)

ONEDay One
Dear Nuala,
Thank you very much for your lovely present of a partridge in a pear-tree. We’re getting the hang of feeding the partridge now, although it was difficult at first to win its confidence. It bit the mother rather badly on the hand but they’re good friends now and we’re keeping the pear-tree indoors in a bucket. Thank you again. Yours affectionately,
Gobnait O’Lúnasa

TWODay Two
Dear Nuala,
I cannot tell you how surprised we were to hear from you so soon again and to receive your lovely present of two turtle doves. You really are too kind. At first the partridge was very jealous and suspicious of the doves and they had a terrible row the night the doves arrived. We had to send for the vet but the birds are okay again and the stitches are due to come out in a week or two. The vet’s bill was £8 but the mother is over her annoyance now and the doves and the partridge are watching the telly from the pear-tree as I write. Yours ever,
Gobnait


THREEDay Three

Dear Nuala,
We must be foremost in your thoughts. I had only posted my letter when the three French hens arrived. There was another sort-out between the hens and the doves, who sided with the partridge, and the vet had to be sent for again. The mother was raging because the bill was £16 this time but she has almost cooled down. However, the fact that the birds’ droppings keep falling down on her hair whilen she’s watching the telly, doesn’t help matters. Thanking you for your kindness. I remain,
Your Gobnait

FOURDay Four
Dear Nuala,
You mustn’t have received my last letter when you were sending us the four calling birds. There was pandemonium in the pear-tree again last night and the vet’s bill was £32. The mother is on sedation as I write. I know you meant no harm and remain your close friend. Gobnauit

FIVEDay Five
Nuala,
Your generosity knows no bounds. Five gold rings ! When the parcel arrived I was scared stiff that it might be more birds, because the smell in the living-room is atrocious. However, I don’t want to seem ungrateful for the beautiful rings. Your affectionate friend, Gobnait

SIXDay Six
Nuala,
What are you trying to do to us ? It isn’t that we don’t appreciate your generosity but the six geese have not alone nearly murdered the calling birds but they laid their eggs on top of the vet’s head from the pear-tree and his bill was £68 in cash ! My mother is munching 60 grains of Valium a day and talking to herself in a most alarming way. You must keep your feelings for me in check. Gobnait

SEVENDay Seven
Nuala,
We are not amused by your little joke. Seven swans-a-swimming is a most romantic idea but not in the bath of a private house. We cannot use the bathroom now because they’ve gone completely savage and rush the door every time we try to enter. If things go on this way, the mother and I will smell as bad as the living-room carpet. Please lay off. It is not fair. Gobnait

EIGHTDay Eight
Nuala,
Who the hell do you think gave you the right to send eight, hefty maids-a-milking here, to eat us out of house and home ? Their cattle are all over the front lawn and have trampled the hell out of the mother’s rose-beds. The swans invaded the living-room in a sneak attack and the ensuing battle between them and the calling birds, turtle doves, French hens and partridge make the Battle of the Somme seem like Wanderly Wagon. The mother is on a bottle of whiskey a day, as well as the sixty grains of Valium. I’m very annoyed with you. Gobnait

FRANKS DRUMMERDay Nine
Listen you louser !
There’s enough pandemonium in this place night and day without nine drummers drumming, while the eight flaming maids-a-milking are beating my poor, old alcoholic mother out of her own kitchen and gobbling everything in sight. I’m warning you, you’re making an enemy of me. Gobnait

PIPERS TO CROP6Day Ten
Listen manure-face,
I hope you’ll be haunted by the strains of ten pipers piping which you sent to torment us last night. They were aided in their evil work by those maniac drummers and it wasn’t a pleasant sight to look out the window and see eight hefty maids-a-milking pogo-ing around with the ensuing punk-rock uproar. My mother has just finished her third bottle of whiskey, on top of a hundred and twenty four grains of Valium. You’ll get yours ! Gobnait O’Lúnasa

TEN LORDS LEAPING

Day Eleven
You have scandalized my mother, you dirty Jezebel,
It was bad enough to have eight maids-a-milking dancing to punk music on the front lawn but they’ve now been joined by your friends ~ the eleven Lords-a-leaping and the antics of the whole lot of them would leave the most decadent days of the Roman Empire looking like “Outlook”. I’ll get you yet, you ould bag !

TWELVEDay Twelve
Listen slurry head,
You have ruined our lives. The twelve maidens dancing turned up last night and beat the living daylights out of the eight maids-a-milking, ‘cos they found them carrying on with the eleven Lords-a-leaping. Meanwhile, the swans got out of the living-room, where they’d been hiding since the big battle, and savaged hell out of the Lords and all the Maids. There were eight ambulances here last night, and the local Civil Defence as well. The mother is in a home for the bewildered and I’m sitting here, up to my neck in birds’ droppings, empty whiskey and Valium bottles, birds’ blood and feathers, while the flaming cows eat the leaves off the pear-tree. I’m a broken man. Gobnait O’Lúnasa

Some of you will remember Frank Kelly, playing Father Jack Hackett in “Father Ted”.  

TREE

~ Share this fun with family and friends
and have a great weekend everyone. ~
~ Only SIX days left until CHRISTMAS! ~

Cats steal dogs’ beds – funny and adorable!

Time for another fun Friday.
Enjoy and share.
Have a great weekend.

CATS STEAL DOGS' BEDS
Cats do what they want to do and sleep where they want to sleep regardless of who the bed belongs to.
 
Watch what these dogs when they discover the cat has stolen their bed.

The following youtube video “Cats Stealing Dog Beds” was published on 19 Oct 2013by ailaikvis.

Cats love cozying up in small spaces. Cats can also be furry little jerks. So, it’s safe to assume that when a cat decides to sleep in the (much larger) bed of a dog sibling, it’s done purely to screw with the dog.

Sadly, dogs are too polite for confrontation and resort to halfhearted pleas with their feline occupier. On the other hand, it appears as if the cats couldn’t care less.

It’s spring in Canada??? ~ BIG JOKE!

 “WHO STOLE OUR SPRING?
WE WANT IT BACK!”
YESTERDAY, MARCH 20th, WAS
THE FIRST DAY OF SPRING
AND SHOULD LOOK LIKE THIS – 

SPRING OTTAWA COLLAGE

NOT FROM WHAT WE SEE HERE!…

BREAKDANCING ARCHAEOLOGY

SKATE PARK PARKING ROMANCE

FAST FOOD

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IT’S SPRING, EH!

CARDINAL

COULD’A FOOLED ME!!!

FRIGID SPRING

I don’t think I’ll see grass in my  front or back yard until July or August!

Thank you to Sandy Rinaldo of CTV Evening News for the opening quote.

Also, thanks to themetafile.com for all the great images!
http://themetapicture.com/things-are-somehow-different-in-canada/

DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELLER ~ HILLARIOUS!!!

SNOWY DAYFor all who are experiencing the less than desirable effects of many winter storms and many snowfalls – Enjoy this humourous tale from your friends at Rainsoft Ottawa.

SNOW STORMWasn’t even winter yet and we had our first major snow storm!

DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELER


December 8 – 6:00 PM
It started snowing. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktail drinks and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. We love snow!

December 9 We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a lovelier place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I’ve ever had! 

December 10 Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a little boy again. I cleared both our driveway and the sidewalks.

December 11  This afternoon the snowplough came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!

December 12 The sun has melted all our lovely snow… Such a disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry – we’ll definitely have a White Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we’ll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I’ll never want to see snow again. I don’t think that’s possible. However, Bob is such a nice man, I’m glad he’s our neighbor.

December 13 Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The temperature dropped to -20F. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life!

December 14 The snowplough came back this afternoon and
buried everything again.. I didn’t realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I’ll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn’t huff and puff so.

December 15 20 inches forecast for today. I sold my van and bought a 4×4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife’s car and 2 extra shovels. We stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that’s extravagant. We aren’t in Alaska, after all.

December 16 Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17 Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.

December  18 Today the electricity was off for 4 hours. We had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her.

December  19 Guess I should’ve bought a wood stove, but won’t admit it to her. Gee I hate it when she’s right. I can’t believe I’m freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20 Yippee the electricity’s back on, but we had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all day. The damn snowplough came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they’re too busy playing hockey. I think they’re lying.

December  21 Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they’re out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they’re lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he’s lying.

December 22 Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white stuff fell today, and it’s so cold, it probably won’t melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to go to the loo. By the time I got undressed and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plough on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he’s too busy. I think the asshole is lying.

December 23 Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to zero. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!! Why didn’t she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did, but I think she’s lying.

December 24 6 inches fell, but the snow was packed so hard by the snowplough, I broke my shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch who drives that snowplough, I’ll drag him through the snow by his hair and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I’ve just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplough.

December 25 – Christmas Day Merry Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop tonight – Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snowplough driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she’s a real idiot. If I have to watch “It’s A Wonderful Life” one more time, I’m going to stuff her into the microwave.

December 26 Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She’s really getting on my nerves.

December 27 Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,750 to replace 4 of my pipes.

December 28 Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The BITCH is driving me crazy!!!

December 29 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That’s the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30 Roof caved in. I beat up the snowplough driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches predicted.

December 31 I set fire to what’s left of the house. No more shoveling.

FEELING HAPPYJanuary 8 Feel so good!

I just love those little white pills they keep giving me.

Why am I tied to the bed???

 

HILARIOUS CHRISTMAS CHUCKLES – HO!HO!HO!

CHRISTMAS BLOG ANIMATED4 CHRISTMAS BLOG ANIMATED4 CHRISTMAS BLOG ANIMATED4 CHRISTMAS BLOG ANIMATED4

Chuckles For You

Just In Time For Christmas

CAUGHT IN JET

~   ~   ~

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CARTOON6~   ~   ~

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Christmas Myspace Animated Gifs

CARTOON5

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CARTOON4
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SANTA DEER POOP

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HA! HA! HA! ~ HO! HO! HO!

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SEASONS GREETINGS SANTA SLEIGH

6TH ANNUAL OTTAWA CHRISTMAS CONCERT and CAROL SING

CONCERT BLOG POSTER

  6th Annual Community Concert & Carol Sing 

 St. Timothy’s Presbyterian Church

2400 Alta Vista Drive

Sunday, Dec. 1, 2:00 p.m.

    ~ Presented by ~   

Garth Hampson
Dominic D’Arcy
NorthWinds Brass Quintet
Scola Basilicae
Linda Major
The fiVe Woodwind Quintet
The Emmanubells
St. Tim’s African Chorus
Natalie Harrison, Dominic D’Arcy’s Rising Star
Ainsley Phillips, Dominic D’Arcy’s Rising Star
St. Tim’s Choir

   Come join us for an afternoon of  

Christmas music and carol singing ~

a wonderful way to ‘sing in’ the Advent season

   Refreshments following  

   Free will donations in aid of
            the Heron Emergency Food Centre

   Come Celebrate with us

   Plenty of parking and Handicap accessible.

Six years ago, as Organist and Music Director of St. Timothy’s Presbyterian Church, I organized our first Christmas Community Concert and Carol Sing in aid of the Heron Emergency Food Centre.
Now I am so pleased to invite you to our ‘6th’ concert this coming Sunday afternoon.

                        Hope to see you there!