Tag Archives: Humour

Hillarious!!! ~ Diary of a Snow Shoveller


SNOW STORMFor all who are experiencing the less than desirable effects of many winter storms and many snowfalls –
Enjoy this humourous tale from your friends at Rainsoft Ottawa.

Snow banks piled high in Ottawa because of a lack of thaws this winter.I for one have run out of room and can’t throw the snow up any higher to clear the existing banks. Living on a crescent, I get the majority of the neighbour’s snow as the plow comes around! 

DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELLER

December 8 – 6:00 PM It started snowing. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktail drinks and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. We love snow!

December 9 We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a lovelier place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I’ve ever had! 

December 10 Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a little boy again. I cleared both our driveway and the sidewalks.

December 11  This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!

December 12 The sun has melted all our lovely snow… Such a disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry – we’ll definitely have a White Christmas target. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we’ll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I’ll never want to see snow again. I don’t think that’s possible. However, Bob is such a nice man, I’m glad he’s our neighbor.


SNOWY DAYDecember 13
Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The temperature dropped to -20F. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life!

December 14 The snowplow came back this afternoon and
buried everything again.. I didn’t realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I’ll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn’t huff and puff so.

December 15 20 inches forecast for today. I sold my van and bought a 4×4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife’s car and 2 extra shovels. We stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that’s extravagant. We aren’t in Alaska, after all.

December 16 Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17 Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.

December  18 Today the electricity was off for 4 hours. We had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her.

December 19 Guess I should’ve bought a wood stove, but won’t admit it to her. Gee I hate it when she’s right. I can’t believe I’m freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20 Yippee the electricity’s back on, but we had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all day. The damn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they’re too busy playing hockey. I think they’re lying.

December 21 Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they’re out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they’re lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he’s lying.

December 22 Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white stuff fell today, and it’s so cold, it probably won’t melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to go to the loo. By the time I got undressed and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plough on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he’s too busy. I think the asshole is lying.

December 23 Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to zero. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!! Why didn’t she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did, but I think she’s lying.

December 24 6 inches fell, but the snow was packed so hard by the snowplow, I broke my shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch who drives that snowplow, I’ll drag him through the snow by his hair and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I’ve just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow.

December 25 – Merry Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop tonight – Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she’s a real idiot. If I have to watch, “It’s A Wonderful Life” one more time, I’m going to stuff her into the microwave.

December 26 Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She’s really getting on my nerves.

December 27 Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,750 to replace 4 of my pipes.

December 28 Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The BITCH is driving me crazy!!!

December 29 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That’s the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30 Roof caved in. I beat up the snowplow driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches predicted.

December 31 I set fire to what’s left of the house. No more shoveling.

FEELING HAPPYJanuary 8 Feel so good!

I just love those little white pills they keep giving me.

Why am I tied to the bed???

WATER DROPLET HAPPY ICON GIMPCROPPEDHave a great weekend everyone, and I hope any snow falls headed your way will be small ones – enough is enough!

 

 

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Canadian humour ~ You’ll Love Our Winters! Ha! ha! Part II

BOSTON SNOW2The following is the youtube video, “Boston Blizzard 2015 #Snowlapse ” that I included in the first part of this blog.  

WATER DROPLET1_FOR BLOG ICON

This winter, which is one for the records, many of our American friends to the south are also experiencing record breaking temperatures and snowfalls.  Hang in their folks ~ they tell us that there really is a spring season at the end of this long white tunnel!

LAUGHING2GIMPCROPPED

Here in Ottawa the snow keeps coming (although thank goodness we’re faring much better than our fellow Canadians down east) and the frigid temperatures are still with us. Time again to snuggle up with your blankie and a warm cup of cocoa to enjoy the rest of these cartoon jokes…

JOKE13  JOKE14 JOKE15 JOKE16 JOKE17 JOKE18 JOKE19 JOKE20 JOKE21 JOKE22 JOKE23 JOKE24

Whoops! Still looks like I lied about spring
being at the end of the white tunnel!

WATER DROPLET HAPPY ICON GIMPCROPPEDHave a great weekend and try to get out to enjoy a winter activity or two with family and friends… 

Hope you’ll visit with us again next week.

Canadian humour ~ laugh along with us, eh?

Canadian Eh!

 

Funny Canadians

I AM CANADIAN

Hey!

 

I’m not a lumberjack
or a fur trader

 

And I don’t live in an igloo

Or eat blubber or own a dog sled

I have a Prime Minister,
not a President

I speak English and French,
not American

I can proudly sew my country’s
flag on my backpack.

 

I believe in peacekeeping, not policing
Diversity, not assimilation

 

And that the beaver is a
truly proud and noble animal.

 

A toque is a hat.

 

Canada is the second largest landmass
in the world.

 

The first nation of hockey

 

 And the best part of North America!

 

My name is [insert your name here]
And I AM CANADIAN!

 

The following humour describes Canada and Canadians alike in a most apt fashion…

Someone in a Home Depot offers you assistance… and they don’t work there.
You’ve worn shorts and a parka at the same time.
You’ve had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed the wrong number.
You measure distance in hours.
You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
You have switched from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day and back again.
You can drive 90 km/hr through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching.
You install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked.
You carry jumpers in your car and your wife knows how to use them.
You design your kid’s Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
The speed limit on the highway is 80 km and you’re going 90 and everybody is passing you.
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.
You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
You find 2 degrees “a little” chilly.
                                  If you actually understand these Canadian jokes,

                                        Canada-Flag  you definitely live in Canada!  Canada-Flag

WATER DROPLET HAPPY ICON GIMPCROPPEDAnd ………
we’re great enough to make and take these jokes about ourselves and about some of the quirky aspects of our lives.

Laugh along with us and have a great weekend ‘y’all’. (yeah, I know – not Canadian)

Friday Chuckles ~ Gas Gouging Comics ~ ‘must share’!

Gas pricing and gas gouging topics are at the top of my hate list.  We are not getting satisfactory results from all our complaining, therefore, even though our wallets are empty we might as well have a few chuckles – some of them are hilarious!!! 

A little gasoline  humor……

GAS GAGE

GAS GAGE2

 

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COMIC1

 

COMIC2

LAUGHING3

COMIC3

 

COMIC4

 

Obama Finally Solves The Gas Price Issue — Obama Parody ! – published on Mar 30, 2012

LAUGHING2GIMPCROPPED

COMIC5

 

COMIC6

 

LAUGHING3

COMIC7

COMIC8

LAUGHING2GIMPCROPPED

 

COMIC9COMIC10

LAUGHING3

COMIC11

Going somewhere this weekend –
to the cottage, on vacation, to the beach, camping, etc.?  

Loan already approved? ~ ha! ha! ha! 

Have a great one!



H2O SUMMER FUN AND HILARIOUS MR. BEAN!

We are still not getting a break from the persistent intense heat wave here in Ottawa and surrounding area. According to an Environment Canada Meteorologist, July has been the driest month on record.

YouTube video intro: ‘Now that summer is most definitely here, people are realizing how hot it can really get. So to cool off and relax, French compilation artist zapatou (Luc Bergeron) made this Water Time compilation from famous online videos involving H2O.’

“Water Time – Compilation” – Published on Jul 2, 2012 by
Music: Neopolitan Dreams by Lisa Mitchell (Sound Remedy Remix)
Lisa Mitchell site: http://bit.ly/LpE34Q
Video Editor: Zapatou (Luc Bergeron)

Luc Bergeron facebook: http://on.fb.me/sXXz9X
Zapatou site: http://bit.ly/LpEewY

Zapatou’s comments:
“Hello!,
I really love to discover other people. I’m the kind of person who thinks that you can grow up from other people’s experience.
I have an unconditional passion for video editing, because by this medium I can share my emotions, my feeling to my audiences. By this medium, I can get you into my world.”

“Bonjour,
Je suis une personne qui adore découvrir les autres, car je trouve que c’est le meilleur moyen de m’enrichir moi-même. Depuis l’âge de 2 ans que je vis dans ma bulle et que je m’invente des histoires imaginaires drôles ou dramatiques.
J’ai une passion inconditionnelle pour les montages vidéo, puisque par ce médium je peux faire ressentir des émotions aux autres, en leur partageant une parcelle de mon monde.”

Now for the most hilarious YouTube video I’ve watched in a long, long time ~ Mr Bean at the Swimming Pool“, Uploaded by on Aug 25, 2009

Mr Bean goes to the swimming pool and tries to use the children’s slides. When he gets told off he heads off to the high dive board but is too scared to jump off. Classic Mr Bean clip from ‘The Curse of Mr Bean’.

The first episode of the original Mr Bean series starring Rowan Atkinson was first broadcast on 1st January 1990. Since then Mr Bean has become known all over the world. Created by Rowan Atkinson, Richard Curtis and Robin Driscoll, there were only 14 episode of the live action series ever made.

To find out more about Mr Bean visit:
http://www.mrbean.co.uk
Mr Bean on Facebook
http://www.facebook.com/mrbean
Follow us on Twitter
http://www.twitter.com/mrbean_bday

A great cool down video and lots of ‘Mr. Bean’ laughs – hope you enjoyed!

 Why not organize your own H2O fun event?
Have a great weekend everyone.

RAIN DANCE FRIDAY HUMOUR from RAINSOFT OTTAWA

This has to be one of the funniest videos I’ve seen featuring rain dancing:

Just For Laughs – Gags – Epic Old Man – Rain Dance – Hidden Camera

 ALL HUMOUR ASIDE, on MONDAY I will feature first-rate videos of ethnic rain dances and mesmerizing ethnic music set in nature’s palette – definitely something you don’t want to miss!

      Looking forward to ‘having you back’ with us on Monday to watch the videos, read comments and hear the relaxing music.  Have a great weekend everyone.

RAINSOFT OTTAWA’S FUN FRIDAY – PUNOGRAPHY PART I

PUNOGRAPHYa joke exploiting the different possible meanings of a word or the fact that there are words that sound alike but have different meanings.

Food & drink:

 Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there’s no pop quiz.

How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!

Venison for dinner? Oh deer!

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

Electronics:

I do not enjoy computer jokes. Not one bit.

I changed my I Pod name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.

Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.

What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back four seconds.

Arts:

A guy got arrested for playing the guitar. For fingering A minor.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.

Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

Sports:

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

The indecisive rower couldn’t choose either oar.

If you wear a blindfold at the shooting range, you won’t know what you’re missing.

 

Link

http://www.talkclassical.com/18592-more-punography-groan.html

One sports item from Pun a Day

  See you back here next Friday for Part II